Monday, April 13, 2009

sad. sad. sad. advice?

You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold; and it's enough to break your heart. -N. Sparks

Hey everybody, so sorry about the lack of posts this month. Not too get too personal but I'm kind of going through a bad breakup right now so hopefully I'll be back on my feet soon.

I actually was wondering if any of you had advice for me, I'm 15 and this boy was my first serious boyfriend (i dated him for over 2 years)
He ended up cheating on me twice but he had promised me so much and I always knew not to take it to heart (im not that naive) but anyways he was the person i always went to for help or if i was upset he always cheered me up. Not only was he my boyfriend but my very best friend. It had felt like it was never going to end. Now I just feel like crap and totally "betrayed" (kinda corny) I'm so used to living my life with him I don't even know what to do now. I should have never become that dependent, but now I can't change the fact that I did. He just started dating this other girl and he's in my class and their in my lunch. I just came home early because it killed me to see them together.
I am usually pretty happy but ever since I found out he liked this girl I've been miserable. and we broke up 4 months ago, now almost 5.

I'm sure some of you have gone through something like this before too, it just I FEEL like I'm the only one even though I'm not. I know I shouldn't miss him ecspecially since LITERALLY our whole relationship was just one big lie but I still do miss him-terribly. AND I also found out from one of his ex-friends that he had been teeling him all of this stuff that he swore he would never tell anyone! He ended up being so terrible for me but I'm still sitting here feeling like its never going to get better!

It just seems unfair that he cheats on me and is now happy with someone else while im stuck in the cold, ya no?

I really want to feel better and not be like this for so much longer, any advice?
Even the littlest things/tips will help I'm sure. :-)

Take Care,


  1. Hello Elizabeth :)

    I can empathise with you because I recently broke up with someone I deeply cared for too and although neither of us were unfaithfull it still pains me tremendously. The only thoughts I can share with you is that THIS HEARTACHE IS ABSOLUTELY NATURAL. It is also inevitable after you've been so close for so long, please please please surround yourself with friends and family because these are the support structures that will hopefully get you through these tough times. Indulge in past times that you enjoy and take up a hobbie or two, put away everything that reminds you of him and 'start afresh'. By this I mean you could spend this time to re-direct your life to where you'd like it to be. :) Fully shrug off your dependent nature as it were :)

    I'm going to be truthful and tell you that it takes time but you WILL feel better about your situation. Take steps to dissolve this boy from your life at this time because he is obviously causing you much anguish. You are not selfish for thinking about yourself :)

    Chin up my dear. You have a (blogger) friend in me :) If you ever need to talk let me know ok :)

    xoxo Eeli

  2. Go out, meet your friends and lie in the sun. That always helps me! :-)

  3. Oh Elizabeth must tell you something to start the improvement of pain comes with the ''time''.. Believe me, today I'm 20 years old and when I was 13/14 before the 16 suffered a lot from my first love .. He tricked me, it was all a big lie, just an adventure for him and I was devastated .. But see, the time was showing me that love, compassion I have for those who make me well! Here in Brazil circulates a sentence that says, ''Who should not make you cry !''.. Think about it baby!
    Keep with you there at bottom his heart all that is good memories him, all good moments that have and try to feel affection only when you stop to think about it .. And one day, TADAAAAM, you realize that only love and miss that sound you know? That miss his teens and nothing more .. And that is what matters! Trust me ..
    Might seem a little slushy, or speech of ''new old girl'', but the truth is that all the costs to learn .. One day you will remember this and agree with me .. :)
    While this time of calm ''not enough'', is away, will study, do your stuff, update your blog, chat with your friends instead of looking for them for lunch .. I know it's difficult, but believe me, the distraction is the best choice you can have!
    And if you want a board of that fact, every time you beat that pain in heart by remembering that fool, think well and loudly: HELLO, I'M A ELIZABETH, I LOVE MYSELF AND NOT LIVE WITHOUT ME! Go girl! Go do your things, move to Taylor to play loudly and let live!

    Be well always sweetness.
    If you want to write or talk about anything, send me an e-mail:

    Xoxo, J.

  4. Hi there. I've gone through pretty much the same thing before and it's supposed to hurt, but you're also supposed to feel better, which you will. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, on the left put everything you've done in your life, and on the right put all the things you're going to do. the places you'll go, things you'll do, people you'll meet. you'll see that the things to come outweigh what's allready happened. but those things will only happen if you stop thinking about what happened and just start living in the now. it's the experiences that make you stronger, and this one will make you super tough, so just think about the reasons why it didn't work, accept it, move on, and start prowlin' for new boys.
    I broke up with my bf of two years (grades 11 & 12) in september, and it was like letting go of my best friend, which hurt. But there were reasons, and they were important.

    Just gotta keep on keepin on :)

    Trisch xo

  5. Considering how ive been called Dr. T, Dr. Phil the female version, and just plain girl. I understand

    Now from what i see on your blog and your emails, you're such a great person! you are fashionable, sweet, caring, and all around great! You dont need some guy who's gonna ruin your life over and over again.

    Dont think it'll be a short recovery. I can tell you were really into this guy, so just take your time and eat ALOT of junk food. Ill envy you from the back. My mommy cleaned out all the junk food.

    You are the greatest person and he dosent see it or deserve it!

    Mucho <3

  6. The thing is, it takes TIME. I think that's the only real "cure." When I was 17, I dated my first love for 7 months (with a break in between) and then was strung along for about another year or so, desperately in love, hoping that if I hung on and kept giving him what he wanted that someday we would be able to go out. We were "friends" at this time, and when I would talk to him and he would mention girls, I would get so upset and he never understood. He shouldn't have HAD to understand. We broke up for a reason. When I DID get over him, it was when I found the amazing man I'm still with today, and I realized that waiting for something that I'd been denied repeatedly for the past year wasn't worth giving up an opportunity to be happy. I took a chance and started going out with my current boyfriend of almost a year and a half, and I've never looked back, even when that nasty old ex told me he'd changed and wanted me back and all that bullshit. Eventually, you learn to be strong enough to stand on your own, to love yourself enough to be at peace and not let it bother you. It takes awhile to stop hurting, but remember how much he hurt you. You're young, and I know a lot of young (and not young) women tend to just go back to people who hurt them, lied to them, used them because they don't feel like there's another love out there or because they just feel like maybe it can work out if they try again. Honey, you broke up for a reason. Because from what I can tell, he was an ass. Don't waste your time feeling jealous. He's not a catch.

    In the mean time, PLEASE, hang out with your friends. Your GIRL friends. Cry to them. Eat lots of Ben & Jerry's. And then, go do stuff that's fun and that doesn't have anything to do with him.

    I really don't know how else to advise you, because it's just not that simple. I hope your hurt goes away soon and that you won't go back to him. People very rarely change. Once a bad boyfriend who cheats on you, always a bad boyfriend who cheats on you.

    Feel better, dear :)

  7. Oh dear.. Cheating sucks. I really, I just, think its retarded. I don't really know how to get over it, just find something else to do to distract you... Eat lots of ice cream! But the most important thing is, just don't go back to him. Even if he apologizes, no matter how profusely, he's totally not worth it. Feel better soon!

  8. Honey! I know how you feel right now, he wasn't really my boyfriend but we started dating and one day I saw him with another girl and we "broke up" (we weren't together but almost..) and I felt very bad, I had never felt anything like that.. I cried a lot but I don't know how or when I started living again, I started laughing and so on.
    I don't know what to tell you, just you know the time cures everything.
    Feel better darling, a huge kiss for you.

  9. this might sound silly but it works :

    Thought stopping, everytime you think of him or just start thinking sad thoughts STOP and make yourself think of good things This takes practise but it works.
    Don't let him ruin your day - stop and think of anything that makes you smile then go out with some of your friends and do something fun.

    Time really does heal - best of luck xox

  10. Aw, first break ups suck. And it's hard to see now, but I assure you he will not be completely happy with this new person, because people tend to cheat again and again if they're prone to it. The best thing you can do is remind yourself that you gave it your best shot and there is absolutely nothing you could have done differently and he is simply a textbook example of someone who is clearly not happy with himself (cheaters are insecure people) and will never be happy with anyone else while that is the case. Believe me, you're lucky you're out of this situation now and not later.

  11. Gost, I think most of us have been there. You just have to take it one day at a time. Its going to be rough at the beginning, but you'll realise that you deserve much better and that its his loss.
    You're obviously a great person, from what I've seen in your blog, and he clearly isn't. Just go and live your life and try to have fun with your friends. Seriously, friends at times like these are heaven sent!

  12. Aww sweetie, this sucks. All I can think of is try and give yourself something that you love everyday. A little treat or pick me up. Eat a cup cake, or drink some sweet lemonade. Remember your wonderful, and he didn't make you that way, you did.

  13. from someone who's been through it,
    my best advice is to take EVERYTHING that reminds you of him and either get rid of it, or put it in a box and hide it.
    If you have pictures on your computer, put them all in a folder and hide it somewhere in your harddrive.

    the less you are reminded of it, the better.

    I know you don't believe it now, but you WILL get through it! And the next boyfriend you have will treat you SO well, and you won't even be able to imagine how you got so worked up over this one.

    Feel better! <3

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  15. I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through. You're right that it's not fair that he should already be moved on and happy, when he clearly doesn't deserve it!! Sadly, that's just how life goes. I would say to think about it this way: try to be grateful that you didn't stick with this guy longer, or meet him when you were old enough to seriously think about getting married. Can you imagine if you were engaged to this guy or married or what if you were pregnent and having his baby and he cheated? I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I'm just trying to say, least it happened now, rather then later when you could have been in too deep, to really survive from a breakup like that.

    Breaking up is one of the worst things your heart has to endure, but if he is cheating now and he's this young, he has already started a pattern for how he is going to live his life. That's not something you want for the long run, and you deserve so much better. I think God has someone destined for everyone, and I don't think this guy was yours. Not sure if your a believer, but God wouldn't have the one for you be someone who is unfaithful and dishonest.

    As for dealing with having to see the two of them together, just think to yourself, he may be happy now, but God's not going to bless a realtionship that was started out of cheating. Those things never turn out. Your the one who is lucky because you don't have to put up with his dishonesty anymore!!

    So hang on, and keep hopeful. When the time is right, the right one will be there for you, and it will be someone you can truly depend on, and grow with.